The Journey

I am going to be very frank in this blog post, about everything going on and what it has effected and what it means for my future. I am constanlty in pain. Why? Because when I was younger, I decided to live my life, being as physical as I could, and carved my extra activities around that too. I craved the endorphin rush from physical activity. I was happiest when I could be extremely physical for at least 2 hours every day. Most days my job filled this need, but on days I didn't work, I had my family, my hiking  and other things like this to keep me happy. Now, some days, I can barely walk to the bathroom without pain. I can't do anything I used to do to be happy. I am grumpy and snarly and basically unhappy all the way around. The only good things I have in my life right now, is my family, which is slipping away from me, because I can't do what I used to do, and God. I can't make plans with my friends because odds are I will have to cancel them due to pain or the dru...

My head is pounding, so I will need to be brief. A commitment is a commitment, so I feel the urge to write anyways.  All I can think to write is this: Please, if you have back pain, check it out. Don't think that because you are in your 20's or 30's it can't be serious. Don't think you're too young, and don't think it's normal to have pain in your back. Go to a chiropractor, a doctor or even a massage therapist. Don't do to yourself what I have done. Don't let anyone else tell you it's nothing. It's your body, your health. Take responsibility for it. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that it will pass. It may pass....this time. But at some point it will no longer be fixable, and you will be forced into a life of pain. Almost as bad as the pain, is the drugs I have to take to be able to handle the pain. It never goes away; the pills only take the edge off. Taking the edge off constant pain is like trying to slice bread with a...

SO my big plans of grandure have hit a snag. It's funny, I envision this great plan of eating healthier, drinking the water I need and doing my physical exercises in hopes of keeping my pain down and healing my spine. In actuality, my physical therapy exercises have put me in excrutiating pain today. I wish I knew what I did to set this off, but honestly, I am not sure. All I know right now is I hurt like hell for no reason. It gets old to hurt so often and so easily; just a wrong step or bending too far will cause my pain to increase for days to weeks, and it makes no sense. My doctor says it's normal and will only get worse, but I cannot accept this path for my life, can I? It says in the Bible that faith the size of mustard seed can move mountains. It also says things like "when God is for us what can be against us? and I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me." I truly believe these words, but on days like today my faith is REALLY tested!! I cling to the...

The thing about making life changing choices, is they have to be for life to be life changing. Maybe not in all situations, but definitely in mine. I've been a slacker in my recovery plan. I can tell a difference too. I am back to taking my pain meds almost daily again, and even then, they aren't always enough, so the pain is very debilitating again. My legs shake when I walk again. I can simply step wrong and hurt myself. I drop things because my arm goes numb (that's how I broke my first laptop). And let's not even discuss what happens when I forget to squat and bend instead. It's frustrating that I have gone from an active, ambitious woman, to someone who has to watch every move, or be zoned out on pain pills. So, back on my health regiment I go. I have to start drinking my water regularly, eating a more natural diet, and cut back on my caffiene, at least. The exercises are easier to regain, but the whole diet thing is difficult to me. I like my coffee, tea and ...