Happy Mother's Day, Mom

It's Mother's Day, and after a wonderful day with my family, and eating more of the delicious food prepared at my table, I stopped and thought about my own mom for a while. She wasn't a mommy, who coddled me through life, as though everything would always work out and life would be easy. She wasn't a mother, who was cold and stand-offish, leaving me to others to raise. She was a mom. She kissed my booboos when I hurt. She let me make my own mistakes, even though I insisted she knew nothing anyways, growing up. She let me choose my own friends and handle my own affairs, only stepping in when she KNEW I was screwing up. She gave me my privacy, and allowed me my secrets. She was tough as nails, and could decorate the house with the coordination and precision of a professional.

My high school years were terrible, mostly because my mom and I were always at odds. What I saw as a controlling, angry, disappointed woman, was simply a woman who wanted so much for her only daughter, she didn't know how to show it. She wasn't raised with barbies and baby dolls. She was raised on hard work from before sun up to after sun down. Never having enough, and never being given enough takes it toll on a person's emotions. Pain was a weakness in her life, that she never allowed anyone to see. Maybe in private, my dad got to see it, but certainly NEVER her children. I thought I was never enough in her eyes, but what I learned later, she was scared of me. She never understood the child she created, which in so many ways was just like her, but in so many others was her complete opposite. I was free spirited, determined, head strong, and accepting of others as they are. She loved me in ways I am still just now realizing. I wish I had seen then what I see now....don't we all?

She gave me the greatest compliment when my own girls we little. She told me how proud she was of my patience with them. That I had more patience with my own children than she could ever hope to imagine. This, coming from the woman who was told she had the patience of Job, was a GREAT compliment. She didn't give me compliments often, other than to tell me my dress was pretty, or similar things (if I asked), but that day she told me I had arrived as a mother. No compliment, from anyone I respect, had ever compared, and nothing anyone has told me since, could ever compare to the way I felt on that day.

She was taken from us all, too soon, in June, 2004. I wasn't done with her. That was all I could say on that day, and for many months after. I still say it whenever something major happens in my life. When things are bad I wonder what she would say to me, and when they are good, I know she'd be happy.

I see a little of her in each of my girls. In Sarah's exuberance, in Alex's determination, and in Mekenzi's zest to prove me wrong. I hope these are all things, they got because they were passed to me, and then to them, but at worst, I hope they passed through me to my girls. Mostly, I hope that someday, when my girls are grown and looking back at our relationship when they were growing up. they can see; through every fight, every tear, and every smile, there was the kind of love that can move mountains. The kind of love my mom taught me, and the kind of love I hope I have taught them.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

Peace!!