The Journey

I Love You. Three very powerful words. My husband surprised me this morning by sending me a text with those three simple words. It made my day, and I loved it so much that I saved that text. I am often amazed at how such a simple phrase can change the course of a day. Words have power. They have meaning. They can change a day for the better...or for the worst. The word in the middle, love, reveals two choices he made this morning. One, he chose to love me still today. Two, he chose to tell me this. All his choices for the rest of the day, concerning me, will reflect those two choices he made this morning. The reason I believe Love is a choice is that God IS love. (1John 4:8) If we have to choose God, then we have to choose Love. Pretty simple reason, really. Another word for God is Lord-another powerful word, meaning strength to me. People run to the Lord when they fall. They run to that word like a tower in a storm. (proverbs 18:10) With God I cannot fail. With the Lord, I cannot be

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                Just in case you have never actually read the beautiful language, the precise, but respectful way it was written, and the  fluidity in the wording. This document is a true treasure for so many reasons. I have many things for which to be thankful in my life, but this document is one that allows for truth. Notice it says the pursuit of happiness? It doesn't promise happiness, only that we are free to pursue it. The responsibility for our lives is ours. There is no blaming anyone for our failures just as there is no one to blame for our successes. Choose wisely. Peace!! J

John 3:16, 17   For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.  For God did not send His Son into the world to condemn the world, but that the world through Him might be saved. The phrase "for God" appears in 68 different Bible verses. Concerning God,  because of God, function of God, being God, constituting God, in honor of God....all phrases to mean For God. What if we replaced one of these different phrases in these verses? In honor of God He loved the world so much that He gave his only begotten son..This brings Abraham offering his son Issac to mind......In honor of God. Being God, He Loved the world that He gave His only son......Being God. If the Bible were written today, I think that is the phrase that would be used....Because He is God, He gave His only son. The sacrifice that must have taken. To allow such pain, horrors, and injustice to be thrown upon his only son. My i

I am an angry woman! I have been through being angry with myself over this disease....what have I done to myself? the most common question I asked. I was warned as a child that having children of my own would be too hard on my body, but I did it anyways.(and I don't regret that decision at all...EVER) I was warmed that being too physical with my body would harm me, but I did it anyways. Then, I went through being angry with God. How could a loving and faithful Father allow such things to happen to his daughter? Where was my protection? Simply...WHY? And of course along with anger with God came the guilt of thinking I know so much about my own life, that I would know better than God what I need or should have. Gotta love the guilt part. It still makes me chuckle today. Then I was angry with other people for going through their own lives as though nothing bad has happened in my own. How dare my family be happy when Mom is so miserable. Ahhhh motherhood. It gives women so many sil

When I was a little girl, imagining how my life would be now, I imagined a much sweeter thing, than reality. Imagination is great for seeing the sweet side of life. Why do we as adults lose so much of our imagination; our openness to new ideas, new thoughts or new values? Have we been so jaded that any new idea that takes us out of our "comfort zone" scares the holiness out of us? I like to think of myself as an open-minded person, but I find myself asking, "What does that mean?" I have tried so many remedies and life altering treatments, in an effort to cure myself, that I honestly don't know anymore what's healthy, what might kill me, and what may only shorten my quality of life. I don't know what I can or can't tolerate any longer. I don't know what I SHOULD tolerate now. I feel betrayed by doctors, beaten down by people who don't "see" a sick or disabled person, and by regulations on what I can and can't be allowed to take,

When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. (Proverbs 11:2 NKJV biblegateway.com) My dog, Molly, is a sweet natured beagle. She is loving and kind and shares half her food with my other beagle, Gus. Normally, she is an even tempered dog, only getting angry with Gus when he provokes her, but she has one downfall. She has this stuffed toy squirrel. She carries this toy around with her, lays with it, and protects it. I think she believes it's her puppy. She nuzzles it and licks it, and truly loves this squirrel. Gus, on the other hand, is a bit more ornery, especially with his sister's toys. He will sneak up to her, take her squirrel and runs. Molly gets angry, and the fight begins. To Molly, she is protecting what's hers...to Gus, it's a game. He just wants her to play, and doesn't understand why she gets so angry, and one of them ends up getting hurt-Not physically hurt, but hurt, none-the-less. That squirrel is Molly's security in thi

I learned recently, that on top of having a degenerative disease in my spine, I show all the symptoms of osteo arthritis. The doctor isn't sure why I am progressing so fast, and quite honestly I don't think he cares anymore why? Another debilitating disease that normally only affects people 20 years older than I at least. While the cause of this disease is still a mystery, research does show that some people can get this from over use of their body and joints.....just goes to show that the saying, " a little hard work has never hurt anyone" is hooey!! Okay , so maybe a little hard work won't, but 30 years of constant strenuous work will. I started working at age 13, and I never stopped until I had to. My body is literally 25 years older than my mind. What does that mean? Does that mean that in five year my body will quit completely, while my mind is still active and vibrant? And if so, can my brain be regenerated someplace else? The herbs aren't doing nearly

Deuteronomy 31:6 (New King James Version) 6 Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.”(Biblegateway.com) God gave me a lot of courage, only I didn't see it until I was grown. I used to have a major fear of heights. One day, I decided  to overcome this, and one day at a time, I gave that fear to God and continued to step closer and closer to the edge of our deck until I was at the edge looking down about 20ft. Then the following day....I jumped.....I didn't get hurt amazingly, and that fear was gone forever. Now, when I am strong enough, I want to finish my search and rescue certifications with rapel lessons to get my high angle rescue certs.  Rock climbing, rappelling and hiking.....anything outdoors in the woods is soothing to me now. It's my time to commune with both God and myself by pushing myself to the limits of my abilities. That moment, when I

God gave me everything. That means, to me, that if it's not from God then it's probably not the best for me. In other words, my healing will not come from a bottle of pharmaceuticals, a surgeon's skill at placing metal inside my body, and it won't come from a wonder powder designed inside a lab. The answer is here, on Earth somewhere. The new herbal supplements I have found are helping. The first day euphoria I had was just a fluke, and I had major pain the next day (probably because I thought i was superwoman without pain). Even with the supplements, life will never be the same. I will never take simple things for granted again....tying my own shoes without pain, picking something off the floor, or even sneezing without pain. Things most people never even think about, past age 8, I have to be careful doing, now. I was told that it can take 30 days for supplements to fully start working inside my body, so even though I still have pain, I am going to continue using the

I started a new "therapy" yesterday. I read about some nutrients for my body, which directly effect the bones, spine, nerves and muscle cell regeneration, and since most people are deficient in these, I figure I am too, since I eat like a garbage can. (okay my diet isn't that bad, but I do have a potato chip addiction, and I go on chocolate binges, and I LOVE Mexican-American food, complete with grease, cholesterol and all) Needless to say day two and my stomach is revolting on me. Apparently, my body is so used to being a garbage can that it is in shock with all the healthy stuff it's getting.  It's probably a fluke that my back doesn't hurt today, so far. I haven't done much other than make my coffee, let the dogs out, and take my vitamins and such, but normally, by now, I have needed a pain pill, to walk, and so far, today, I have needed nothing and my pain is not bad enough to need anything. THIS I can live with. If every day started this way, I could

Why did no one warn me about such things? When we take health classes in school, why didn't we focus more on what makes our bodies function rather than what can hinder us, and how to not get pregnant? (oddly enough thousands of teens still get pregnant daily as it is, so duh something is broken in our learning system) People need to wake up and smell the nutrition!! Our bodies are an intricate system of checks and balances, but we have been taught  for so long, that a little pain means nothing, that we have conditioned our minds to block pain until the pain is so intense we can no longer function. This pisses me off, ROYALLY!!! Don't think a pain means nothing. Examine it!! With the internet available to most people now-a-days, we have all the tools we need to fix our minor injuries and pains, so as not to overwhelm our medical community with the sniffles. Simple things such as, I read today, magnesium deficiency or vitamin D deficiencies can cause numerous ailments. But we ign

I haven't been blogging much, mostly because I haven't been doing much else, either. I have gone back to drinking as much water as possible, but it's not doing its thing any longer. Hmmmmm Could I have been wrong in putting my work into a book that sounded too easy? Nahhhh Me? Wrong? Can't happen! (haha) The water helps, I am sure, but I doubt it will cure me any longer. I do have to say, my skin is clearer, and my hair is shinier, otherwise, not so much is different in my body. Will I stop? Nope, not until I find the cure, the fix or the help. Or until I can no longer search and write. I still cling to my verse. Isaiah 40:31, like a drowning man would cling to a rock. I am waiting in every sense I can think, and by this verse's promise, someday I will fly. What more can I ask? Remember: Talk to the man upstairs. He truly loves your voice, and what have you to lose? A few minutes of your day? Love someone who doesn't deserve it....you don't always deserve

I am going to be very frank in this blog post, about everything going on and what it has effected and what it means for my future. I am constanlty in pain. Why? Because when I was younger, I decided to live my life, being as physical as I could, and carved my extra activities around that too. I craved the endorphin rush from physical activity. I was happiest when I could be extremely physical for at least 2 hours every day. Most days my job filled this need, but on days I didn't work, I had my family, my hiking  and other things like this to keep me happy. Now, some days, I can barely walk to the bathroom without pain. I can't do anything I used to do to be happy. I am grumpy and snarly and basically unhappy all the way around. The only good things I have in my life right now, is my family, which is slipping away from me, because I can't do what I used to do, and God. I can't make plans with my friends because odds are I will have to cancel them due to pain or the dru

My head is pounding, so I will need to be brief. A commitment is a commitment, so I feel the urge to write anyways.  All I can think to write is this: Please, if you have back pain, check it out. Don't think that because you are in your 20's or 30's it can't be serious. Don't think you're too young, and don't think it's normal to have pain in your back. Go to a chiropractor, a doctor or even a massage therapist. Don't do to yourself what I have done. Don't let anyone else tell you it's nothing. It's your body, your health. Take responsibility for it. Don't let yourself be fooled into thinking that it will pass. It may pass....this time. But at some point it will no longer be fixable, and you will be forced into a life of pain. Almost as bad as the pain, is the drugs I have to take to be able to handle the pain. It never goes away; the pills only take the edge off. Taking the edge off constant pain is like trying to slice bread with a

SO my big plans of grandure have hit a snag. It's funny, I envision this great plan of eating healthier, drinking the water I need and doing my physical exercises in hopes of keeping my pain down and healing my spine. In actuality, my physical therapy exercises have put me in excrutiating pain today. I wish I knew what I did to set this off, but honestly, I am not sure. All I know right now is I hurt like hell for no reason. It gets old to hurt so often and so easily; just a wrong step or bending too far will cause my pain to increase for days to weeks, and it makes no sense. My doctor says it's normal and will only get worse, but I cannot accept this path for my life, can I? It says in the Bible that faith the size of mustard seed can move mountains. It also says things like "when God is for us what can be against us? and I can do all things with Christ who strengthens me." I truly believe these words, but on days like today my faith is REALLY tested!! I cling to the

The thing about making life changing choices, is they have to be for life to be life changing. Maybe not in all situations, but definitely in mine. I've been a slacker in my recovery plan. I can tell a difference too. I am back to taking my pain meds almost daily again, and even then, they aren't always enough, so the pain is very debilitating again. My legs shake when I walk again. I can simply step wrong and hurt myself. I drop things because my arm goes numb (that's how I broke my first laptop). And let's not even discuss what happens when I forget to squat and bend instead. It's frustrating that I have gone from an active, ambitious woman, to someone who has to watch every move, or be zoned out on pain pills. So, back on my health regiment I go. I have to start drinking my water regularly, eating a more natural diet, and cut back on my caffiene, at least. The exercises are easier to regain, but the whole diet thing is difficult to me. I like my coffee, tea and