The Long Road Back

My minor setback last week, turned into a bit more of a setback than I anticipated. This is going to be a LONG road back to health. I still struggle with my faith, through all of this, and that bothers me. I had no idea how shaky my faith truly was, since it had never really been tested in the past. Faith is easy to have when life is going smoothly or with only minor bumps along the way, but let life throw you a real curve ball and even the most faithful has questions. I get so frustrated when I am doing well for so long, then WHAM!! One wrong step and I am off my feet for days or even weeks. This has to be one of the most senseless diseases to ever strike humanity. I am furious with myself for walking that extra five minutes last week (yes it only took five extra minutes of walking to do this to me), setting all of this into motion, I am fighting being furious with God for allowing this at all, and I am furious with everyone else, for going along through life, as normal, without me. It's been three years since I have comfortably slept through a night. And even longer since I have woken with no pain. I am 40 years old, and I feel 80. How is any of this fair? What on Earth could I have possibly done to deserve this? What can I possibly have to learn from it? What could anyone else possibly learn from this? I feel like Job being tested by Satan and God to see who has the strongest hold on my life.

If there is one thing I teach anyone else about my journey this far is; Pain in your back is NOT normal. I don't care how random it is, or how slight it is, it's NOT NORMAL. When you start having pain, that is your body telling you one of two things. Either you need to drink a LOT more water,  or you need to visit a chiropractor. When I first started having this pain, I was 18 years old, and thought I was invincible, no stupid minor pains were going to slow me down. I could have avoided this, but chose to ignore it. Please don't do that to yourself. If it hurts-- fix it!! If you can't fix it, find someone who can fix it, but none-the-less get it fixed, and get it fixed as soon as you can!! Please, don't put yourself through what I have gone through.

If this blog about my journey in dealing with pain helps anyone at all, I guess that is a good thing, but right now, I am in so much pain, all I can think is how foolish I was to ignore my pain for so long. 

 God, I cling to Your promises...to Your promises of health...and to Your promise that faith the size of a mustard seed can move mountains....Surely my faith can defeat this!!  Or, at the very least, manage it.  I know it's Your will to be done in my life, and when You say it's time, I will be whole again. Let whoever is supposed to learn from my pain, learn so I can move on. The lessons are hard, and the molding is painful, but I know I will emerge from this stronger, somehow.

Peace!!

Comments

  1. UnknownApril 20, 2010 at 3:38 AM

    Yes, you will be stronger, I've no doubt. Always praying for you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousApril 20, 2010 at 9:10 AM

    You are in my prayers..

    ReplyDelete

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